Monthly Archives: April 2016

Skip Lightly

I have a hard time sitting. Not because I have A.D. H. D. (I hope) but because I find sitting uncomfortable. This makes all committee work difficult. Those long meetings with people who like to think deeply before sharing their thoughts. Speed it up, I want to say. My butt hurts.

Watching TV is also problematic. I have solved it by skipping rope every ten minutes during the show. Not every day. Just when I’ve been sitting at a desk instead of writing on my treadmill.  Skipping is also handy when watching thrilling shows like The Walking Dead or Game of Thrones, because it saves my butt and my nerves. There’s only one real problem with it.

It’s very hard on my partner. I try to stand off to one side and skip lightly, landing on the balls of my feet and staying in the salt category, rather than the pepper. If you remember skipping games, you’ll know what I mean. I bounce from foot to foot, trying to land quietly and avoid heavy, giant sized thudding.

The thing is, I would never skip while watching TV with anyone else. My kids would shoot me, for one, and I’d be too embarrassed with my friends. I like to pretend to be normal when I’m out and about. Only in the privacy of my own home do I allow my inner annoying weirdo to surface.

Most people move through life masking their discomfort or pain. I happen to come from a family with no game at all. When it’s slightly cold outside, we wear ski pants and long underwear. In hot weather we rival Scarlett O’Hara’s sisters with our limp wristed mewling. (Bill, you’re excused from this last accusation.) But avoiding discomfort is of the utmost importance to us. I’m trying to toughen up by a) drinking water before bed and not getting up to pee every half hour. b) Walking in the cold without a balaclava. c) Trying not to complain so much.

This blog is my version of skipping lightly. I’m still complaining, but I’m managing a soft landing, hopping from foot to foot, off to one side, and almost out of sight. See? You’ve hardly noticed me over here in the corner. I’m not really bothering you at all. Now excuse me while I work on my double dutch routine. I might make a little more noise during it, but I almost always stick the landing.

Minion

It’s time to talk about politics, the elephant in my blogging room. I can’t dance around the beast any longer. I’m not here to pander, promote, or manipulate. I’m here to whine. So please, for the next few minutes, let me make this about me.
But not just me. This may come in handy for other partners of people with big plans. The dreamers and visionaries. The one married to George R. R. Martin.

“Hey,” you might hear at some point in your life. “Let’s give up our jobs and travel across Asia, freeze our asses off, almost die and spend a lot of time with rats.” Of course, Clarence didn’t phrase it in that particular way. His type is very inspirational when presenting ideas. The next thing you know, you’re following along obediently. Nay, gladly.

I’m not in Asia anymore. And I’m not married to George R. R. Martin. But I am wedded to a politician who is up for re-election. So here’s my high pitched violin moment. Nobody ever talks about the politician’s spouse unless you’re Bill Clinton.  And believe me, we partners have our woes.
(The violin is playing quietly in the background. Can you hear it?)

Anyway. It’s a slog, this political life. I’m mostly okay with it, but people don’t realize the dedication it takes, the nerves of steel, the stiff upper lip necessary for the spouse of a political candidate. Just ask Donald Trump’s wife. Thank goodness making speeches wasn’t part of my bride price. I’m not sure how they do things in Slovenia but she definitely gets the sympathy vote.  Anyway, back to me.

I really, truly appreciate  all the people who run for office. Somebody has to step out of their comfort zone. Throw their hat in the ring. We can’t all live in North Korea where one guy is in charge forever. The problem is that when the candidate’s hat flies through the air, so does yours. You barely have time to look up before the job of being a full time minion begins. Fetching, carrying, printing, prodding, mailing, stuffing, listening, etc. I could go on. (You know I can.)

Please thank your candidate, whoever he or she is, for stepping up to the plate. They deserve your appreciation. Months of plodding around trying to get their points across, and an earnest desire to make things better is truly what most people running for office want. Please understand that. Then look behind them for the minion waiting, often bored, in the background. Shake their hand and mutter the words, “I’m so sorry.” We’ll appreciate the gesture.