While shopping for pants one day, I was reminded of the clothes worn in a new Korean show on Netflix. Their styles are always a year or two ahead of us, but to my dismay, this Winner’s store seemed to be embracing the same look in women’s pants. Wide legged, calf length and stretchy, they’re an ‘AH, YES!’ to a 95 lb. 5’6″ Korean woman, and a nightmare to a short white female.
‘Where are all the normal pants?’ I asked a harried employee. ‘This is it,’ she said, sounding at the end of her rope. She was tall and elegant, and the clothes I surveyed would fit her perfectly. I suddenly realized that all the clunky white sneakers I’d complained about last year were a foreshadowing of the return to the nineties silhouette. High waisted pants with front pleats and a baggy flair. Loose, deconstructed shirts. For someone short and currently flirting with Covid-isolation-induced chubbiness, a certain amount of tailoring is called for. Would I like to wear these comfortable clothes? Yes, I would. Will I? Since I have pictures of myself from the nineties when I was much thinner and still looked ridiculous in them, no, I won’t.
It’s not that I don’t care about fashion. It’s that I hate it. In spite of my fascination with shows like Project Runway, where designers sew weirdly attractive items for 6 ft. 90 lb. women, I’ve never liked picking out clothes. If I had my way, we’d all wear sacks in a variety of colours, both men and women. High heels would be against the law, (I’ve never been a stronger feminist than when I watch a TV FBI agent teetering around on spike heels.) As I’ve said before, I’d also love a country wide mandate on wearing jumpsuits in a variety of colours. No one would be allowed a belt, either, since I don’t have much of a waist and hate to be reminded of it.
People fed up with the growing divisiveness in politics might fantasize about living in a section of the country where everyone agrees with them and there is unity for all. I fantasize about living in a world where no one cares what they wear. But now I have an addendum. Wear what you want, as long as its not baggy, nineties style clothes. (Do you remember men’s suits, back then? All the guys looked like they were wearing their dad’s clothes. Women’s suit jackets weren’t much better.) So, to sum up: pick attractive jumpsuits or sacks. I can go either way. I just can’t go back to the nineties.