Can you tell this blog post is about Elon? (Does the title tell you I watched Jesus Christ Superstar over Easter?) As a northern Canadian with strong feelings about the very rich, and the even richer, I think Elon has too much money. Don’t get me wrong (don’tcha get me wrong, now) (yes, more JC) There’s nothing wrong with being mildly rich. But waking up as the wealthiest person on the planet? I can only imagine how that would feel. I hope I’d be horrifed. You don’t get there by being Mr./Ms. Nice Guy.
Aside from a much humbler financial status, Elon and I have some things in common. I’m not on the autism spectrum (although I can’t take loud noises or weird smells) but I know what it’s like to be low on the teenage status pole. And while his family was financially comfortable, and though he might have been a cute kid, I can’t imagine he was all that popular on the junior high dance floor. Some of us weren’t cool back then. Some of us had no idea at all how to be number one in that world. (Or number 10.) And some of us were terrible at Dodge Ball.
You are miles smarter than me, Elon. Your geek factor is a tad higher, too. But I get how it feels to be the odd person in the room. In spite of your success, you might feel you still have something to prove. But that doesn’t mean you should take over Twitter. I wouldn’t have thought much about it if you hadn’t openly supported the truckers taking over Ottawa in February. You’re not Canadian. You don’t get a say. Yes, you believe in free speech, but does that mean anyone can make up anything and we all should just nod our heads in agreement? No! Does that mean that when a few thousand people want to overthrow the government, you have the right to say, hell ya? I don’t think so.
Instead of spending 44 Billion Dollars on a social platform where people tweet their opinions, why don’t you do some good with your money? You could start by saving the planet from the rest of us. You could support programs for the poor in the US and around the world. You want to be king? That’s the way to do it.
I’m not a huge Twitter fan. It’s such a frenetic world that by the time I realize I agree with someone, I’m the 10,000th person to hit the heart button, or reply, ‘I agree!’ I wish you’d decided to lead the world in a great direction instead of spending your money on this. Does your mother approve? Wouldn’t she rather you take care of people instead? Maybe she doesn’t care. Or she’s not around anymore. If not, I’m sorry.
While you’re planning to open Twitter up to every wacko opinion, you know what occupies President Biden? I picture him kneeling by his bed at night praying for Donald Trump to die first.
“Just let him die, God. Let the Republicans go back to normal. Like the days when half of them understood science. Let Marjorie Taylor Greene decide to retire instead of screaming, ‘Let the dimwits inherit the earth!’
And while I’m on this rant, I want someone to kill that fu**er Putin. (Yes, that’s my prayer. But so far, God has refused to be my hitman.) You know what the president of Ukraine is praying for? ‘Please, let us still have a country in 2023. And ask the world to get off its ass and help us.’
Buying Twitter feels like an Austin Power move. You want to hold the world hostage for One Million Dollars! Sorry…44 billion dollars. You’ll show them, all right. You know what would be really great? Buying the Amazon Rain forest and protecting it forever. You built the Tesla…you must care about lowering carbon on planet Earth. I bet you could purchase the Congo Rain forest, too.
Imagine being the person who saves the planet. You’d have the status of a saint. Instead, buying Twitter puts you in the company of Rupert Murdoch. Are you a Fox news guy? Will you hire Tucker Carlson to be your wingman on Twitter?
Be a hero. Do something great with all that money. Help educate people around the world, or invest it in finding a cure for every kind of cancer. If you decide to do that, you might even get your own musical. So, don’t be like Rupert. Be like Jesus. You don’t have to lay down and die for us. You just have to change your heart.
(For more left-wing rancor, follow me on Twitter.)