Category Archives: Uncategorized

I have a stalker. He’s been following me for a while now. Lurking around outside my house. Waiting for me by the door. He’s on the smaller side, but very aggressive. His conversation is limited and so annoying. The times I’ve locked myself inside, too afraid to go out? Numerous. Especially this summer. The factContinue reading “I Know What You Did Last Summer”

In the summer of ninety four, I  had a brilliant idea. In preparation for my high school reunion, I would dye my lashes. That way, I could cry freely without worrying about make-up. Unknown to me, thick black eyeliner was also applied. “People love this,” the beautician assured me as I walked out the door, stunned and blinking intoContinue reading “A Real Fixer Upper”

 I turned 61 this year and the symptoms are settling in nicely. For example. A few weeks ago I twisted my knee. It didn’t happen during Zumba, where we contort ourselves into every possible position while moving to a Salsa beat. It happened, sadly, and with a hint of cliché, while I was weeding the garden. My inner self, the real me, has immense energyContinue reading “The Summer of 61”

I’m in a funk. It’s a beautiful day, but there’s a fire somewhere and the smoke is burning my throat. So I put away my garden tools and check to see if the coast is clear. Then I slink into the house, turn on the TV and let Netflix load. Binge watching TV has replaced afternoon drinking as the way to avoid the boring things inContinue reading “A Little Don Time”

I was seventeen the first time I drove uptown in my mother’s car. It was old. A nineteen sixty-four mint green Rambler with standard steering and brakes. At five foot two and a hundred pounds, I had to throw my whole body against the wheel just to turn the corner. When I got uptown, I remember wondering, “What the hell were theyContinue reading “Ode to a ’64 Rambler”

Once, there was a man in a chair beside a fake fireplace in the Saskatoon airport. He was reading a book. Not a magazine. A big book, and not a Dan Brown novel either, because I checked. His feet were up on an Ottoman, and he was completely immersed in the story.  I watched him for a while, inContinue reading “He’s Bringing Sexy Back”

I was driving down the street a number of years ago when Meatloaf’s song, ‘I would do Anything for Love, (but I won’t do that),’ came on the radio. I’d never heard it before. I pulled the car over, growing increasingly irritated that I couldn’t figure out exactly what ‘that’ was. Sex? Lying? Cross dressing?Continue reading “What’s It all About, Meatloaf?”

Passion. Faith. Greed. Love. I sit in the Channing auditorium with my alto sisters, mentally echoing Jean Val Jean’s shout out to the universe. Who Am I? And why is my memory so dismal? I ignore the larger questions, of course. The ones the characters ponder during this three hour musical extravaganza. Though, like them, I wonder where it all went wrong. NotContinue reading “Les Miserables and Me, Confessions of an Alto”

When I was a kid, I thought about candy every day. If I found a dime in the street or collected a few empty pop bottles, I’d head to Johnny’s and peruse the merchandise. I knew what I liked. A crispy crunch bar. A small paper bag of mixed up penny candy. An orange crush soda, or a bagContinue reading “Strange Candy”

This is not an homage to the movie, which I refer to as the poor man’s Breaking Bad. I know about the great reviews and still don’t care. Since I’ve grown up, it just makes me recoil. I’m not sure if its the misogyny or the bad acting. But the soundtrack? One of the bestContinue reading “Easy Rider”